Reigning NWSL Champions NJ/NY Gotham FC and Girls Leadership recently hosted a virtual parent workshop, Raising Resilient Athletes, in partnership with New Jersey Youth Soccer (NJYS). This event was made possible by Gotham FC’s Keep Her in the Game Program in partnership with NJYS, South Bronx United, Charter Oak Advisory, Girls Leadership and the Laurie M. Tisch Illumination Fund. This webinar provided a unique opportunity for parents of NJYS players representing clubs from across the state, with over 70 parents in attendance.
The event was led by Girls Leadership Co-Founder and Co-CEO Simone Marean, and featured Gotham FC Goalkeeper and Leadership Group Member Michelle Betos, who has 15 years of professional soccer experience. They focused on the pressures young girls face in sports and how to foster resilience and a growth mindset. Marean led with a discussion of cultural expectations, and how girls often feel the need to embody qualities society deems appropriate for them.
When asked the question, “In your culture, what are the top three ways girls are expected to look and act?” participants voted that the top three answers were kind (65%), polite (48%), and smart (48%). Later in the workshop, Marean had parents answer the same question but in regards to Gotham FC players like Betos: “What are the top three ways Gotham FC players are expected to look and act?” With the same options given earlier, this time, the leading responses were confident (82%), strong (71%), and brave (50%). The striking difference in expectations reveals the incredible opportunity of having Gotham FC in our backyards – it opens up the possibilities of how a girl is supposed to look and act.
Betos emphasized the importance of parental support without harsh expectations through anecdotes about her own upbringing that showed how her parents focused on supporting their child’s passion for the game, rather than their own ambitions. She reminded parents that “kids watch how you support them,” and offered two key pieces of advice for athletes and parents.
First, Betos stressed that children observe how parents behave and speak, and these interactions shape children’s views. Second, she shared her own experience with early failure in sports (e.g., getting cut from a team in second grade) and highlighted the importance of a growth mindset. At the time, she had an exaggerated reaction, telling her parents she should quit and never play again. But her mom reminded her that you can stop playing, or work harder, and offered the question, “What can you do differently?” Betos chose to listen to this advice, and it set her on a path to embrace failure as a chance to learn and improve, instead of shying away from challenges.
Marean also shared a story about her dad’s support of one of her endeavors – when she started a tap dancing team, and her dad attended her performance. After the show, he stated, “You looked so happy up there. I’ve never seen you look so happy.” She realized that he was celebrating not with the activity or success, but how it brought her joy, a valuable realization that has stuck with her into her own parenthood. Marean highlighted how societal norms often suppress emotional expression, leading to increased anxiety among young girls; finding joy is key. Participation in sports has been linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety, underscoring the importance of physical activity for mental well-being. The event also addressed the barriers girls face in sports, noting that they drop out at twice the rate of boys as teenagers due in part to the expectation of perfection.
She shared the Courtney Martin quote: “We are the daughters of the feminists who said, ‘You can be anything,’ and we heard, ‘You have to be everything.’” Marean then emphasized how girls have more opportunities than ever, yet they (and their parents) can feel overwhelmed by trying to keep up with everyone around them, and lose sight of playing for the love of the game. To combat this, the Keep Her in the Game Program provides strategies for parents and coaches to support girls in overcoming these challenges. Key strategies include adjusting the focus from perfection to enjoyment in sports, promoting open communication about feedback and feelings, and teaching the importance of being a supportive teammate while navigating conflicts.
The call concluded by encouraging parents to engage in reflective practices around their beliefs regarding sports, support their child’s autonomy, and model healthy communication and conflict resolution. These activities aim to strengthen the relationship between parents and their athletes, fostering an environment where young girls feel empowered and valued. At the end of the meeting, participants shared their thoughts, with attendee Heather Marzullo writing, “I loved the positivity tonight- joy was at the center of this presentation and how to empower our girls to keep up the joy on and off the pitch. Thank you!”
Through Gotham FC’s Keep Her in the Game, Girls Leadership will offer additional workshops in the future to NJYS members that will continue to advocate for a balanced approach to sports that prioritizes girls’ well-being, autonomy, and emotional health, helping them stay engaged and empowered in athletics. You can learn more about Keep Her in the Game, and sign-up for a mailing list to hear about future opportunities here: gothamfc.com/keepherinthegame
Resources from Girls Leadership:
Opportunity One: Adjust the Pressure
Activity:
Pause, Self-reflect, or talk with your co-parent:
– Why do we believe in sports? What makes this something we value?
– What is negotiable about sports for us? Where does she have agency?
– What is non-negotiable?
Opportunity Two: Support Coach Relationship
Activities:
Practice hearing feedback and processing mistakes
Practice or role-play advocacy and self-advocacy: What do you need or want to change?
Opportunity Three: Practice How To Be A Teammate
Activities:
Talk about the middle ground of relationships, classmates, acquaintances, teammates. Share your examples.
Model and talk about productive (in-person) conflict.
Practice your athlete asking specifically for what she needs.